We meet someone for coffee, and before we’ve even settled into the conversation, we’re glad we came. They seem pleased to see us. They put their phone away. They ask about something we mentioned the last time we talked, and we’re a little surprised they remembered.
We tell them how it went. They listen, ask a question, and share something from their own life. Soon we’re talking easily, following the conversation wherever it goes.
Later, we may not remember everything we discussed. But we remember how it felt to spend that time together. We felt welcome. There was interest in what we had to say, and we enjoyed hearing what was happening with them.
Perhaps we’ve had coffee with this person many times. Perhaps we’re only beginning to know each other. Either way, we leave looking forward to doing it again.
On the way home, we might find ourselves thinking about what made the visit so enjoyable. Nothing elaborate happened. They were glad to be there with us, and somehow that came through in the small things they did.
It raises an interesting question: What would we like someone to experience when they spend time with us?
We may hope they enjoy themselves. That they feel comfortable telling us what’s happening in their lives. That they know we’re interested, even when their experience is different from our own.
Thinking about the people whose company we enjoy can help us find our answer. One friend makes us laugh. Another lets us finish a thought without jumping in. Someone else is comfortable with a pause, so we don’t feel we have to keep talking just to fill it.
There’s a particular pleasure in realizing we have something to offer simply in the way we’re with someone. We can be pleased to see them and say so. We can ask about the thing we’ve been wondering about. We can give their answer enough time to become a conversation.
And we can let them get to know us, too. We can tell the story we’ve been saving, admit we’re unsure about something, or share what has made us happy lately. Sometimes our willingness to speak honestly helps the other person feel comfortable doing the same.
None of this requires us to arrive in a wonderful mood. We’ve all enjoyed time with someone who was tired or having a difficult week. Being able to say how things really are may be part of what makes that friendship feel easy.
We won’t know exactly how another person experiences us. But we can notice what we appreciate in our time together and allow ourselves to bring more of it.
Perhaps, before the next coffee or phone call, we’ll think of one thing: I’m glad we’re making time for this. I want to hear how they’ve been.
That may be enough to shape the way we begin. The rest can unfold as we talk, listen, and enjoy being together.
A Quiet Question
What would you like someone to experience when they spend time with you?
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